Fighting Fair – Day 13 Of The Love Dare

Fighting Fair – Day 13 Of The Love Dare.   If you thought letting the other guy win (as was yesterday’s dare) was hard enough, today’s dare is no walk in the park, especially when you have two strong, bull headed Taurus’ in a relationship together. Trying to outdo the other person, getting the upper hand, bringing up old baggage just to hurt the other person – NEVER ENDS WELL. And so the dare for today addresses just that – fighting fair. Give it a read and maybe use these “rules of engagement” in your life, I know I will. Enjoy 🙂

Day 13 – Love Fights Fair

If a house is divided against theft, that house will not be able to stand ~ Mark 3:25

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

The most heartbreaking damage you’ll ever do to your marriage will most likely occur in the thick of conflict. That’s because this is when your pride is the strongest. Your anger is the hottest. You’re the most selfish and judgmental. Your words contain the most venom. You make the worst decisions.

Married couples who learn to work wisely through their conflicts tend to be much closer, more trusting, more intimate, and enjoy a much deeper connection afterwards. The wisest way to learn to fight clean is by establishing guidelines for how you’ll approach hot topics.

Establish Guidelines For Fair Arguments

There are two types of boundaries for dealing with conflict – the “we” boundaries and the “me” boundaries.

“We” boundaries are rules you both agree on beforehand.

• We will never mention divorce
• We will not bring up, old, unrelated items from the past
• We will never fight in public or in front of our children
• We will call a “time out” if the conflict escalates to a damaging level
• We will never touch one another in a harmful way
• We will never go to bed angry with one another
• Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes we will work it out.

“Me” boundaries are rules you personally place on your self.

• I will listen before speaking – the one who listens first consistently has the advantage in a fight. Respectfully ask questions rather than making assumptions
• I will deal with my own issues up front – quickly admit when you’re wrong and apologize first, which will disarm your spouse and neutralize the ammo
• I will speak gently and keep my voice down – people tend to mirror their enemy in a fight. The more intense you get, the more intense they get. The more humble and tender you become, the more tender and humble they become. Let how you speak be laced with love regardless of what you are saying.

Disagree With Dignity

Fighting fair means changing your weapons. Disagreeing with dignity. Building a bridge instead of burning one down. Love is not a fight, but it is always worth fighting for.